Day Off with Re-think 2019

Happy 4th of July 2019!

For those who are American or living in the USA this is a holiday.  In truth, over in Germany, my son’s (and his not-American) classmates graduated from Domgymnasium Verden in 2015.  Back then, I mainly noticed how it isn’t a German holiday as that’s where we were living at the time.

Many of you reading this may not be Americans or living in the USA at this time.  Perhaps you can help me feel less strange about what my 4th is really like this year.

Home towns

2010 through 2016 I dealt with living in the home town of the German man who has the honor and duty of being my only child’s father.  He has been my husband, but I’m not writing this as a gossip column so I won’t divulge any more.  What I wanted to share is simply that I lived in that guy’s home town: a village in Germany.  Any of you who read the posts from back then that were about the place should have read at least one incident in which I described the village as “a Saxon Heaven on Earth”, with flocks of chickens and sheep and hardly any snow in Winter and plenty of growing season and lots of beatific and idyllic village type stuff there, but only an hour on the train to a big city….and at 120 kph on the Autobahn, in clear traffic one can escape the countryside rather rapidly.

However, after that, I ended up spending some time in my own home town again, which is really very different from discovering a new place which is the home town of someone with whom I have been closer than with nearly everyone else ever in my entire life.

Side Issue

I can’t emphasize enough that the Germans drive only 20mph or 22mph in the villages; in all the places that Americans drive 30mph and that this is just as real and significant as the thing we’ve all heard about regarding their driving so rapidly on the Autobahn.

Deceleration issues.  Maybe it’s due to which letters of the alphabet are in the German language?!

Deceleration issues.  You think coming down from 55 or even 70 mph to 30 is weird try 82.5 (which is 120 kph) down to 20 in 35 seconds or so.  I’m sure once one gets used to it, it stops even seeming weird.

Okay, enough about that.


Today, I really just have the day off from a job I started only a month ago.  I don’t even want to tell you what it is or where due to my own hang ups, I guess, but the bottom line is that I am having an unpaid holiday today.

Some people have good jobs and have this as a paid holiday in this country.  Others don’t even have jobs, or have even worse ones.

Stage of Life

My stage of life is really very different from 20 years ago.  Both ten and twenty years ago (forgive my even number fetish) I was deeply involved in raising an actual child.  I still love him dearly and am now into the part where he is also an adult but still a lot younger than myself and of course still a close relative.

Twenty years ago I was very glad that I was married (again) and had every hope that I still would be when I write this today.  However, even ten years ago I wasn’t married.  I’ve married 3 times, in time for the women’s deadlines of when we had better marry off by, but am no longer that way.  I am not glad, by the way, and each time I married I had every intention of and hope that I would still be that man’s wife today and that he would still be my husband today.  I don’t feel that “divorce because we feel like it” is even vaguely okay, but do admit that some of my behavior during marriage: mostly when legitimately or wrongly extremely upset and/or angry definitely contributed to my ending up divorced but I stick each ex-husband with at least 50% of the blame and responsibility for not still being my husband ever since he married me.

Anyway, due to all that, I’m pretty much on my own today, and it’s a day off from work.  I am glad it’s a holiday and am happy for everyone having a good time.  I feel like it’s almost a major victory to not spend the entire day in emotional shock or sobbing my guts out due to how harsh it is to just be stuck hanging out alone despite having married off and become a mother and tried for more than 20 years to get a decent job….and also due to having moved back to where I am from and having at least 3 other relatives who all have time, money and transport enough to spend time with me today if they really want to, but none of them are bothering to.


I haven’t blogged again for a while.  Some of it has just been the new “day job” so to speak, but some of it has been my own review and reaction to what the results of my doing this have really been.

I’ve been blogging for nearly 10 years now.  At some point, I was just moving into having a weekly structure to the blog posts having blogged daily for like 3 years in a row or so, and then the whole thing sort of weirdly fell apart.  I’m not sure I’ll ever understand what really happened.

Daily Chat

I guess this blog post is just sort of ‘off the cuff commentary’ type of stuff.  I’m not sure whether or not it will really help anyone or not.  If it does help you, I’m glad.  If it doesn’t, maybe I’m sorry.

Online Marketing 2019

Self promotions

Every one of you is involved with some form of self-promotion or another.  When it happens naturally you leave a conversation feeling that you were charming or charismatic.  If it happens at a dance club, you leave feeling like you had fun and you noticed that multiple people found you attractive.

When it happens on a blog: well, sometimes it means you get a lot of feedback, even likes.

If you sell merchandise, it often means that people buy whatever you are selling…

Except when it doesn’t

And that’s where we meet The_Grinch.   Because of that, if that’s the disappointment that one experiences, then one has to think…Hm, there must be something more to this.

My Reading List

The reality is that for me personally, having to learn all of the other parts of the job of being a professional writer aside from the writing and editing part, has been a challenge over the many years that I have worked at it here and there.  This is also true of the marketing part.

Now and then, I actually bother to read about it.  It is a bit sad, in the sense that I had hoped, like so many others to just trust that if I do what I love, the money will naturally follow.

Except when it doesn’t.

When I first learned that I was supposed to also be a marketing expert because of being an author, I felt as if someone had told a tortoise it was time to learn to drive or become a member of those people in the military who jump from aircraft wearing parachutes.  I mean I felt that much weirder than I would have if I had felt they had asked me to just learn to drive myself, human woman without handicap; I mean I can do that.  I could even learn calculus, but this – strange feeling.  My weird feeling got absolutely no better, when people seemed to be indifferent to, or to find it amusing if I just earned NO MONEY from sales of my novels and that they would enjoy being one of a few people to buy a copy to do me a favor, “Poor thing, isn’t that adorable; she tried to do that to earn money.  Needs a job, then, eh? Heh, heh.”

Gorilla Marketing

That’s a phrase I thought of.  I have poked around and tried to check out what happens in the lives of people who really sell loads of copies of their books.

Most of them spend vast quantities of time promoting their work online, offline or both.


I watched some stuff.  I’ve tried to learn the difference between regular marketing, guerilla marketing, and gorilla marketing.  Regular marketing involves spending a lot of both time and money getting people to notice your product or service, even my novels and booklet and the one item: a bundle of short fiction stories only available to Kindle owners.  Guerilla marketing is the same effort, done on a shoe string budget or just assuming that neither you, your parents or your husband/wife have the odd $300K to give you to put into your first round of advertising, let alone the minimal $24K/year that a small time person might do.

If you’re ready to upchuck just from the amounts of money mentioned there, when you think about how to earn money selling, then you pretty much understand what happened to me.

Gorilla marketing is also 100% legit but more closely resembles what has happened when Tai Lopez spent $10 to $100 Million to advertise on YouTube or something “regular” like how everyone and their siblings has seen a photograph of Michelle Obama and her new book during this past year.  Being small time, I get confused about whether hers is just regular marketing or gorilla marketing.

Another example of gorilla marketing that we see every day, is when one goes into a chain store and finds that several brand-items have been replaced by This Store Brand Product X,Y&Z now.  I guess so, then.  Jees.

Due to all that

I hope that you real people out there can accept or even forgive me, if you feel its warranted, for feeling like I have to learn something about sales and marketing to get people to pay me for my books…..even though I would prefer to just not even worry about the money knowing that it will show up because I am trying to share some of my best with the world.

Making me financially dependent upon relatives, government agencies in my own view doesn’t count as “the money will follow”.


No offense, but I do take offense if its other people who just have similar problems and want me to to.


Despite the date on this post, it is now May 23, 2019.  I had believed that I would be back to living there in Indianapolis by now, multiple times over.  However, I am still not.  At this point, I am 2 years into having been living around my home town, mostly due to having come into a job, and some due to the relative ease of visiting in person with my parents.  In truth, there was also something to do with a romance about which I am not comfortable to disclose much information except that that also contributed in both good and bad ways, to why I have not made it back to living in Indianapolis.


The answer to the question of why I chose the particular photograph above is that it was the easiest one I found that shows an image of Indy closer to the ground.  I have walked right around there many times, but sadly, not recently.

Fortunately, I wasn’t ever reduced to pan handling down there.  Such a comment is supposed to be hilariously funny as I’ve never suffered such hardships, but instead it’s a little creepy.  Sometimes I give to beggars when I feel like I have enough to share.  Sometimes I say no because they wouldn’t help me and may not understand how truly delicate and fragile my own finances really are.  Sometimes I give to them because I feel I had better given how well I know how frightening it is to hardly have any money….and some days I just don’t because I don’t want to.

Often, when I do give to pan handlers, it isn’t much but I notice that it normally assuages my guilt, or appeases my conscience.  I tell them, the same as I am telling you: I’m a sometimes giver.  Sometimes I will and sometimes I won’t.

Like most of you, I don’t like being harassed by pan handlers.  It’s offensive.

Also like most of you, I realize that there are only so many times a beggar can ask for a spare coin downtown and turn cynical or just believing that everyone is a total liar because of the # of times people said, “Sorry, I don’t have any money,” and then go and spend some money, having lied to a beggar.

The beggar has observed them going into a shop, making a purchase and then carrying on about their day.

Well, truth be told, I sort of don’t blame people who resort to lying as a means of trying to say no, but an honest no that holds up is normally much better.


Well, now that’s we’ve made it passed the beggars into a nice shop, the situation is looking a bit brighter.

Flaunting Moral Success

Now, I would like to reveal a height of my spiritual achievement in daily life with respect to helping those even less fortunate than myself.  One day, when I was financially poor but not destitute, I went into Bremen, the one in Germany not the one in Georgia, USA.

Well, in an act of spiritually God motivated compassion, I went and actually bought a couple of beggars NEW ITEMS AND THEN GAVE THEM TO THE BEGGARS.

WOW, huh.

I’ve only done that like once and probably spent less than $30 the one time I did do it and it still left me feeling like Jesus himself had pulled out a chair at the dinner table and invited my greatness to come sit beside Him because I’m such a “good girl”.  🙂

Back to Indianapolis

Some of you know that Indianapolis is a very mild mannered small big-city.  Sadly, the heyday of Indianapolis, Indiana sporting the nation’s best public transit system is long gone.  Still, there are some decent busses there.

The cost of living is pretty low and the economy there is pretty good.  The climate is relatively mild, I mean compared to either the cold of Syracuse, NY winters let alone Canada and Russia.  The summers are also very mild compared to say Arizona and New Mexico or the Middle East (sic, where Jesus actually lived during the first 32 years of his life).  It does get warm enough to go in shorts and get a nice tan, and even hot enough to fry an egg on the hood of a car and swimming at the beach is great….but most people don’t disintegrate from the heat as I tend to believe is what would happen to me in July in Nevada or Utah.


Some of you know that my novel The Double Life of Tutweiler Buckhead was even originally titled An Adventure in Indianapolis because that’s where it’s set.  You can buy your own copy right here.  Just click on the link The Double Life of Tutweiler Buckhead

Writer’s Advice

This morning I read a little bit more of How to Market a Book and Authorpreneur in the hopes of learning how to improve my ‘functionality’ as a professional writer.  Both the authors of those are younger than I am, started writing much more recently, and have already earned more money doing it than I have.

My only salient piece of writer’s advice about which I am confident knowing that, is that novel of mine mentioned above, which is even good and has decent cover art, was set in Indianapolis based on the dictum “write what you know” so I set the novel in the city I was living in at the time and that I had been living in for 6 consecutive years when I began to write the book.

The other main point that I got was that I am now supposed to spend however much time creating landing pages and how important and good it is that I blog.


I request your forgiveness, if you feel I need it, because I have really just whipped this post out, off the cuff, so to speak, as if this were casual conversation.  If it isn’t good, then I apologize to you when really, you deserve better.

Angie’s Diary 2019

Angie’s Diary

Angie’s Diary is a great online magazine.  I was relatively highly involved with it for months a few years ago and am considering trying to contribute to it again.

If any of you ever interact with Angie’s online presence: she’s great!  It was like coming across a friendly person of the same gender rather than being snubbed or getting the proverbial cold shoulder.

Book reviews and timely articles covering so many topics, and even some advertising are all available.

I recommend her site.


Trying New Things

space technology research science

Photo by Pixabay on


I’ve always liked the saying: “You can’t win if you don’t play,” even though participation does not guarantee success.

Most of you have read The Little Engine That Could.

For self-inspiration I have often thought of that story: even as a middle aged woman:  “I think I can; I think I can,” is all about the benefits of having a good attitude.

The craft shown above, is an indicator of what happens when brilliance is united with teamwork and persistence and a great deal of funding.

Thanks to all that we all have:



space technology research science

Photo by Pixabay on

I hope this inspires you all also, to dare to take some risks and to try something new.  If it turns out to not be good, you can let it go and try something else.  It proves to be wonderful, you can stick with it for a long time.

While I do love the space exploration stuff in real life, as well science fiction such as all the Star Trek shows but also such as The Children of Loki, which I wrote and you can buy, but it’s only for adults….I also want to remind everyone and to encourage everyone to keep striving for far out awesome, fabulous spiritual attainment goals.


In the end

                                                                     maybe we

really can

German castle in the mountains









Adventures in Perimenopause

Season-of-Life Messages

Who Cares?!

A lot of you don’t care about this and have no reason to.  There is an off chance that despite being under 40 years old you have a mild interest in biology whereas if you are over 60 this falls under “been there; done that” material along with “what to do when you have your first baby” let alone, “how to not panic because you’re sprouting pubic hair”.

Perimenopause is to menopause as adolescence is to adulthood

Women in this stage of life, are really heading in the direction of menopause.  From my brief survey’s of real women about this: it can be a brief period or can go on for some months or even years.  It ends when a woman’s body achieves the “done with reproduction” state of being.  This transition means neither more nor less than that.  “No more baby-making forthcoming”.

The effect of this truth is not necessarily less than the onset of menstruation and all the hormonal and size and shape changes that mean entirely and only, “Baby making is now a real possibility”.

Struggling with Change?

There are women, perhaps especially fit, married women, who may suffer from kinds of shock or dismay that this change-in-life actually changes what they are and are not interested in, including sex.

Studies have indicated that while adults past the menopause stage of life do often retain some interest in sexual activity but at least half the time, its more a matter of habituation to the pleasure of it than the same intense mating instinct “make babies” biological advice their hormones were screaming for 20 to 40 years.

Case Studies: My own Case

Every woman is different and the range of normal is fairly large.  It may well be a good idea to check in with a physician but my advice is to try to find ones who accept change-of-life rather than trying to treat you as if something is wrong with you when nothing is.

Recently, I chatted with 2 women about this.  One reported having only had a few months of perimenopause and then she was done.  I likened this to the girls who really turned physically into grown women over Summer Vacation one year between grades of school whereas some of the other girls took years to make the same transformation.

There are women who have hot flashes, and others who don’t.  I spoke with one woman who stopped menstruating but still has hot flashes which have slowly been diminishing over the years following her menopause.

In my own case, my sexual desires dropped by about 50% for way longer than the 2 months, twice a year that they had before and stayed much less for longer periods of time.  I can neither confirm nor deny that one element of this has been that over age 40 years more of the men my age are much less attractive than they were 10 and 20 years younger.  Men may suffer from feeling the same way about the women in the same group but also about the reality of themselves by comparison.

Along with that type of ‘barometric’ perception, my menstrual periods lightened up a great deal of the time, but not consistently.  Two years into it, I just didn’t menstruate for a few months in a row and then right after I thought, “My God I’m reaching menopause 9 years early but at least I know I’m not pregnant,” my periods resumed, but again, 8 or 9 months of the year they were only half as intense as they had been 10 years earlier.

How long does this goes on?

In truth, in my own experience, I have just entered Year 6 of perimenopause.  The general ambiance is nice, regular cycles in terms of the ebb and flow of hormones but totally unpredictable in that one month I menstruate nearly as much as I did when I was 40 but some other month I don’t even bother to menstruate….and there is no obvious rhyme or reason regarding what determines whether or not I only menstruate a tea spoon of blood across 7 days, or what feels and looks more like a cup every 2 hours for 3 days.  Often, during the past 3 years, the amount of m. blood is really the same amount in 7 days as what happened in 2 or 3 days 10 years earlier.

But then, just to keep the air of unpredictability, when I went so far as to expect that I might not have any periods during 3 months of the year after that happened 2 years in a row, I just did even though it was Year 3 of Perimenopause.

The bottom line:  Because of that, I’m not sure.

I do carry around menstrual products much of the time but know they might go unused.  Just to add to the subjective sense of the whole thing, I was always the kind of person who felt, within 5 days after my period ended that: It was like it never happened.  Like, if someone brought it up, I almost had no idea what they were even talking about.  I’m not totally insane, so I did remember, but it was like remembering rainy weather on a sunny day or vice versa.

Purpose of this?

Aside from going on about myself, I mainly just want to write enough about it so that if other ladies find this happening to them, they don’t worry.

I do also think if male entities are curious about women, they could learn about this without being disgusting just to find out…but if they don’t want to know, I don’t want to make them know about weird nasty women stuff.

Truths about Work 2019


There are multiple meanings to what work is.  It can be defined as effort, pure and simple.  In other cases, it doesn’t count unless one is paid wages for doing it.  In the vernacular, people may decide whether or not to call something work based on how well it pays, by how difficult it is, and whether or not one likes it.

Some say that whenever one loves one’s job; it isn’t work.  However, I would counter by saying that: try telling that to anyone who knows the difference between being broke and being paid for working and they’ll tell you the pay makes a difference whether one likes the work or not.


Women and men still tend to have somewhat different experiences about this.  History is sometimes painful as well.  So, we have learned that working for only overhead especially minimalistic overhead, is essentially slavery.  For the lucky ones, its life in a gilded cage.  For others, its really just misery.

Women still deal with ‘women’s work’ in more than one way.  Sometimes women’s work means that she worked without pay for a family of which she was supposedly a member in good standing and she was not considered to be working.  She may have tried to do something to get money.  If she got it from her family often it was still not considered to have been work, but if the pay came from anywhere else it was.

People are unique and so someone may read this and find that it just isn’t true.  They may have been repeatedly hired by their own relatives and grew into running the family business along with other members of the family.  Anyone who married in, may have done so to get a job.

I have a vague but accurate memory from 20 to 30 years ago when a typical wife level of contribution to ‘domestic labor’ if calculated according to reasonable rates of pay is often the value of at least a middle class income job worth of labor.  This only adds to the sense of pained injustice for all “broke housewives” who’s husbands don’t share the money well.  Meanwhile, young women and “men’s rights activists” may protest that this is unfair: after all, he never gets paid for doing such things as it takes to run a household so why should she?  Round and round we go with this; some couples and families sharing money wonderfully and others don’t.

Just last year in 2018 I read in Womankind magazine about some events in Turkey within the past 5 years.  Included were women who got paid and were shunned.  In many cases, the rest of the community came around to seeing her point of view after a while….but other women would do the same kind of work but insist they were not working and not trying to get paid for doing it, but were just doing a spot of volunteer work to help out in the community.

Men & Women

Many years ago now, I attended a conference called Men & Women Working Together for a Change.  It does help when we cooperate with each other for good.  There are ways of interpreting some situations.


My personal belief continues to be that both men and women humans are humans with different twists.  If it were journalism, it would be that genders are like different slants on the same story.

What we do for work, and how we deal with it may have some variation.  Each gender has both assets and limitations for helping make the work place better: effective, getting great results and yet also being environments in which people have a chance of actually liking the experience without sacrificing the qualities related to pure effectiveness and getting the needed results.  That said, keep in mind that for some a work environment is also best when highly moral and does need to be whereas there are also people out there who feel that morality is as much as impediment to getting the job done as ‘women might be in a male oriented work atmosphere’.

Simple Conclusion

My hope for each of us, is that we get the right job fit.  In religious language this is ‘to fulfill our life’s calling; and our personal divinely dictated destinies’.  In educational psychological language, I hope for each of us to get work that fulfills all levels of our legitimate human needs as in “Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs”.




Another Day Another Blog Post


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Photo by on

First I pondered

The fact is, there has been a long gap since the last time that I blogged.  I had a burst of blogging that lasted for a few weeks and then it petered out and for a while I didn’t feel that I had as much to say so I just stopped.

Over time, I watched the stats to see what happened and pondered this whole matter.

Why do I do it?

The reality is that my blogging is “holistic” which is another way of saying ‘hodge podge’ and off-base.  My blogging often fails to perform like the purely professional blog of an author.  It also fails to be purely personal.  In some respects this is healthier but for professional purposes it doesn’t seem to help.

Let’s face it, some days I just want people to buy my novels or short fiction stories instead of not.  I am so sick of people not spending to buy and read my fiction and non-fiction.  I don’t have a gigantic advertising budget and am not harsh enough to make you all buy.  My purse and bank accounts would appreciate it if I or personal henchmen of mine would make you all buy my published fiction and non-fiction that is for sale so I can get *&^% paid for working!

Other days, I blog because I just want to connect with other real people.  I’d rather do so in person, but either due to spending issues or laziness or loving being at home, I try blogging to do it.  This is also OK but is an entirely different motive.

There are also many times when I have blogged hoping that it would actually help others, with a secondary motive that someone might hear of me and some day it might lead to landing a job or selling copies of my novels, or making friends or all of the above.



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Photo by Drew Rae on

Blog History

I think it’s true that someone hired me to ghostwrite at their real estate blog as a pro. prior to my ever writing a blog of my own.  That was way back in the previous decade…and here are near the end of the next one.

Aside from that, I mainly remember that just as I started to get into structured blogging and advanced zhan Zhuang qi gong, I somehow suffered from a setback which made it so that I haven’t made any definite progress in those directions since.

I blogged for years; then began to get more professional and more structured about it; then had a setback; then did less, and then resumed some kind of undisciplined, wild blogging.


Today, I suppose I picked ‘interactive’ motivation in that I didn’t know what to blog.  So, I read a couple of other peoples’ posts.  After that I just wrote this.

Value / Lesson

Maybe this will reach someone.  I guess the best result for any readers would be that whole “motive awareness” aspect of it….but I can’t guarantee that it won’t be the amazing photo of the solar eclipse.

Uranian Fiction

What is it?

In truth, Uranian Fiction is what I first imagined as the brand name for my professional fiction.  It crossed my mind that it might end up being the name of my first publishing company…now and then I wondered whether I would have to create a publishing company to release my works.

Other Ideas

I went and did some kind of web search, and found out that it might be possible to misconstrue Uranian Fiction as meaning LBGT, or lesbian oriented fiction, a subset of women’s literature.

Updated Version

Here is a link to the blog post Uranian Fiction

Occultist Freaks Help Cops in Indianapolis

Indianapolis (Fake News)

Indianapolis is fed up with their own drug crime.  When the police have only half of what they need to make a good, clean bust the head Sheriff turns to the Mayor for help.  In this action adventure, a surprising team tackles this serious urban problem.  A young Roman Catholic Priest, a local prize winning cage fighter who doubles as a bounty hunter, and two occultists join the team.  One is a law abiding attorney but the other is one of the city’s most viciously successful career criminals.

Reality or Comic Book Quality? – You decide

As the politicians hide the fact, the assembled team gets to work.  Like the old saying goes, “By hook or by crook,”  the woman burglar proves valuable.  The lawyer, however much readers might have assumed was as much a snake as the thief, is actually a dedicated good guy.  The Priest extols his fetish for law enforcement and the attorney assures everyone not to worry about the crook as she is ‘easily bought’.

Whether at their round table meetings for strutting their stuff or hiding behind curtains in a mansion,  this turns out to be a profound special unit! Readers beware when Father Zachary’s Holy Water is good enough to heal wounds on contact, and the thief has a cop-on-her-take up her sleeve.  Will the Father get to distracted by his urges to save their souls?  Will the burglar’s self-interest ruin everything?  Why is the Internet research so powerful?

Find out the answers to these questions, and more as Skilleas Fog figures out exactly what to order from the weapons companies and the lawyer wears perfectly tailored suits on the crook’s recommendations.

Will the bad guys even know what hit them?  Find out in this action-mystery!  Buy yours now:  The Double Life of Tutweiler Buckhead