Adventures in Perimenopause

Season-of-Life Messages

Who Cares?!

A lot of you don’t care about this and have no reason to.  There is an off chance that despite being under 40 years old you have a mild interest in biology whereas if you are over 60 this falls under “been there; done that” material along with “what to do when you have your first baby” let alone, “how to not panic because you’re sprouting pubic hair”.

Perimenopause is to menopause as adolescence is to adulthood

Women in this stage of life, are really heading in the direction of menopause.  From my brief survey’s of real women about this: it can be a brief period or can go on for some months or even years.  It ends when a woman’s body achieves the “done with reproduction” state of being.  This transition means neither more nor less than that.  “No more baby-making forthcoming”.

The effect of this truth is not necessarily less than the onset of menstruation and all the hormonal and size and shape changes that mean entirely and only, “Baby making is now a real possibility”.

Struggling with Change?

There are women, perhaps especially fit, married women, who may suffer from kinds of shock or dismay that this change-in-life actually changes what they are and are not interested in, including sex.

Studies have indicated that while adults past the menopause stage of life do often retain some interest in sexual activity but at least half the time, its more a matter of habituation to the pleasure of it than the same intense mating instinct “make babies” biological advice their hormones were screaming for 20 to 40 years.

Case Studies: My own Case

Every woman is different and the range of normal is fairly large.  It may well be a good idea to check in with a physician but my advice is to try to find ones who accept change-of-life rather than trying to treat you as if something is wrong with you when nothing is.

Recently, I chatted with 2 women about this.  One reported having only had a few months of perimenopause and then she was done.  I likened this to the girls who really turned physically into grown women over Summer Vacation one year between grades of school whereas some of the other girls took years to make the same transformation.

There are women who have hot flashes, and others who don’t.  I spoke with one woman who stopped menstruating but still has hot flashes which have slowly been diminishing over the years following her menopause.

In my own case, my sexual desires dropped by about 50% for way longer than the 2 months, twice a year that they had before and stayed much less for longer periods of time.  I can neither confirm nor deny that one element of this has been that over age 40 years more of the men my age are much less attractive than they were 10 and 20 years younger.  Men may suffer from feeling the same way about the women in the same group but also about the reality of themselves by comparison.

Along with that type of ‘barometric’ perception, my menstrual periods lightened up a great deal of the time, but not consistently.  Two years into it, I just didn’t menstruate for a few months in a row and then right after I thought, “My God I’m reaching menopause 9 years early but at least I know I’m not pregnant,” my periods resumed, but again, 8 or 9 months of the year they were only half as intense as they had been 10 years earlier.

How long does this goes on?

In truth, in my own experience, I have just entered Year 6 of perimenopause.  The general ambiance is nice, regular cycles in terms of the ebb and flow of hormones but totally unpredictable in that one month I menstruate nearly as much as I did when I was 40 but some other month I don’t even bother to menstruate….and there is no obvious rhyme or reason regarding what determines whether or not I only menstruate a tea spoon of blood across 7 days, or what feels and looks more like a cup every 2 hours for 3 days.  Often, during the past 3 years, the amount of m. blood is really the same amount in 7 days as what happened in 2 or 3 days 10 years earlier.

But then, just to keep the air of unpredictability, when I went so far as to expect that I might not have any periods during 3 months of the year after that happened 2 years in a row, I just did even though it was Year 3 of Perimenopause.

The bottom line:  Because of that, I’m not sure.

I do carry around menstrual products much of the time but know they might go unused.  Just to add to the subjective sense of the whole thing, I was always the kind of person who felt, within 5 days after my period ended that: It was like it never happened.  Like, if someone brought it up, I almost had no idea what they were even talking about.  I’m not totally insane, so I did remember, but it was like remembering rainy weather on a sunny day or vice versa.

Purpose of this?

Aside from going on about myself, I mainly just want to write enough about it so that if other ladies find this happening to them, they don’t worry.

I do also think if male entities are curious about women, they could learn about this without being disgusting just to find out…but if they don’t want to know, I don’t want to make them know about weird nasty women stuff.

Advertisements

Valentine’s Day

Exclusivity in Love

Despite all the talk against the sanctity of exclusive marriages between only one man and only one woman…St. Valentine continued to encourage this type of Christian behavior in the 200 A.D. amongst the Romans.

Imagine: how it must be or must have been when it really was having to buck the system if you love someone and actually want to be able to have only one another….and for it to be considered an act of rebellion, not religiously, but socially.

Wow, even will all of my own tendencies and issues and liberality, even I see the sense of one-man with one-woman marriages; the safety for child rearing etc…but also thanks to at least remembering pure loves….people who really don’t want “a bunch of lovers” but just a real love, a real spouse, just one.

Really Radical?!

Believe it or not, St. Valentine was a real person, a man who lived as a Priest of the Christian church in the 200s when the Roman Empire was still going.  In truth, all he did was perform marriage ceremonies for young soldiers, and he would marry people into exclusive couplings despite the Roman Imperial Government being against both at the time when he did it.

Take a breathe and enjoy how internationally common place: one man with one woman marriages really are nowadays in early 2019.

From this perspective it really almost seems crazy that St. Valentine ran into trouble for marrying people like that, but in fact he ran into such severe difficulty that he ended up being martyred: he was politically assassinated for marrying people that way.

Freaky, or what?!

I don’t know about you, but from my perspective that is freaky.  He should not have been killed for such a small gesture of religious freedom and sanctity.

Evolution of a Holiday

Well, like so much in the Protestant realms, the Catholics have ‘slipped us another Catholic Saint Day’ as a cultural holiday.  The holiday has evolved into a day to honor and revere love.

Many people focus on the romantic or sexual aspect of love at the Holy Day, but like so many millions of others, even though I just turned 51 years old I still also really like all the other kinds of love, and enjoy celebrating the holiday regardless of whether or not I get to celebrate with a hubby.

Personally

My personal height of heights for Valentine’s Day is that I received my first accepted wedding proposal on Valentine’s Day in 1991.  I said yes and we wed the first day of Spring, both of which are gloriously romantic.  What punctures this balloon of joy is that the man who I married has barely spoken to me in years and we were divorced just as our marriage was getting started in 1993 after some of the worst first 2 years imaginable but not because he was a deployed soldier in the American or ancient Roman military.  I strongly feel it would be way more romantic if we were looking forward to our 28th wedding anniversary this year.

Despite that, both my mother and my son often get Valentine’s from me, as have a number of others…Some profoundly sexual and romantic in nature, others as most definitely not as the pets or other same gendered children in an elementary school class.

Yours

Here’s to hoping that you have some kind of wondrous and blessed Valentine’s Day; may you all experience God’s love in both the distinctively personal and in the abstract today.

artistic blossom bright clouds

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Days and Daze

Days

We start out days by waking up.  Often we get lots of indication of ourselves for any given day.  Not every day has been the same.  Lots have to do with major stages of life.  Health has a great deal to do with it; the next question always seems to be “Am I well rested?” or “Am I in the middle of a dream cycle?”

A lot of adults have learned to think in terms of “working days” ….contrasted with “days of not working”; as it turns out “days or working” and “days of not working” are both more complicated than each phrase initially suggests.

Then of course, there is working days rather than working nights and weekends.

Days 2

Waking may occur before, during or after dawn.  Personally, my preference is to wake right around dawn.  That means during the Winter I’m “off” my natural cycle or sleeping in late enough to get into trouble with many others.

People who cope with working nights normally wake up after dawn, well after it in fact.  Waking up well rested,  well adjusted to working 2nd or 3rd shift with 3 to 4 hours to go before the children get home from school, another few hours before leaving for work….having seen the spouse in the morning; a spouse who will be entrusted with the children once off to work.

Waking up late with a hangover realizing that it also means one has failed to show up at work on time while horribly lonely is a radically different experience.

Days 3

Days can be almost intolerably long or can zoom by at a frantic pace, loaded with awareness and business the entire time.

One great question I invite you all to answer in the comments section:  what makes a day seem longer to you?

The reason I ask is that I have found that sometimes the longest days are when nothing is going on, but other times it seems to be caused by having a little too much going on.

In my own life, so far, I used to say the longest year of my life was the year I was pregnant: I think it’s because I kept asking myself how far along I was every 3 minutes or else it was because the foetus quadrupled in size and complexity every 5 minutes.

Daze

Boredom, illness, sleep….Trapped in some hellish job or in an entire lifestyle that just feels like a trap.  Any of these may cause a daze.

“Dazed and confused for so long its all true: wanted a woman, never bargained for you…”

Late at night, overtired and intoxicated at the same time while listening with poor concentration to someone talking about an uninteresting subject.  This may be experienced as a daze.

Overwhelmingly happy, just married and at the reception the daughter-father dance went incredibly well.  The best man is holding up the groom, as the groom is dazed by the surreal stunning beauty of his now-wife.  His now father-in-law has said something kind about him during his speech which seems like a definite miracle after having felt despised by the same man the whole time he courted the woman who is now his wife.

abstract art background blur

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Wedding Jewelry

Wedding Jewelry Take 1

Most people, especially women, love wedding jewelry.  The diversity of style, color, stones and price and everything they symbolize is so impressive, beautiful and romantic.

I am no different in this respect.

The Sad Truth

So far in my life, despite having married, I have only about 9 years of experience being legally married and it took 3 different men, just to get me those precious 9 years and to stick me with short term marriage instead of being married for over 20 years now as intended when I got married.

Making Proper Use of This Information

Despite everything sad about how I came into the information, I want to make some happy use of various observations I have made from having spent some time married and some time not married about wedding jewelry.

Observations

  • Some people believed to be friends and members of the opposite sex disappear the moment they see wedding jewelry.   That definitely tells you something.
  •  Wedding jewelry is a great ‘ice breaker’ for conversations.
  •  There are people who have more respect for women who are wearing wedding jewelry.
  •  If you are ever seen wearing wedding jewelry but then go even one day without wearing it, people will wonder whether it means you are having marital problems or about to get divorced, even if it is that you are going to work out, and the ring doesn’t fit whenever your hands get hot and puffed up, or you are going to be doing any type of work that might endanger your precious ring.
  •  Wedding bands can be cheap and to the point.
  •  Wedding jewelry can both protect the wearer against unwanted sexual / romantic interest, and can be depressing because it makes potentially interested persons unwilling to even try to have a friendly and harmless 5 minute live chat.

Observations 2

These are about going without wedding jewelry during one’s marriage.  This can occur for various reasons.  In this case, I am only going to write about dealing without wedding jewelry even when there is not definitive “marital trouble” instead of when going without the jewelry because there is a marital problem.

  •  There is no distinction made between your girlfriend or boyfriend and your wife or husband.  This can be soothing for couples who were together long before marriage and had honest respect for their romance.
  •  This can be troublesome in that people think your beaux or toy boy has not become your spouse, when really the relationship is more serious (in a good way) than others may have been led to believe.
  •  People, or single people, remain friendlier.  Bear in mind, that one of the observations is that the vast majority of ‘interest’ leads not to adultery but to 5 minutes of conversation at a workplace or means that someone will sit with you at lunch in the breakroom at work.
  • One may accidentally prevent friendships with other married people because neither they nor others saw the ring and tried to befriend you thanks to the fact that you are married; this is in contrast to the people to steered cleared of you once they saw the same thing.

Final Comments

In all seriousness, one should try to be aware of the intentions and influences of wedding jewelry and sensitivity to how wearing it, or going without it, may give certain messages.

Please be aware that despite my own failures I am a staunch supporter of intact families and good marriages.  True love, stable homes, families and finances are healthy for the entire society, are what God recommends and can make life quite nice.  I have been trying to get a permanent (50+ year long) partner since about age 17 years.  I am nearly 51 and have quite a past but not the stable past of “wow am I ever just still married for quite a while now…having crested over the Silver anniversary halfway point towards a 50th wedding anniversary.”

Rather than abuse my suffering, just enjoy the observations and make use of them in your own life; or post comments about your life and observations about wedding jewelry.