Some of you know that my lifestyle involved a serious and major change – mainly socially, but to some degree also financially from the move from Indianapolis, to a small town in Northern Germany – a place I have often referred to as a Saxon Heaven on right here on Earth. I realize that not everyone’s Utopia involves so many farm animals, horses, bricks and the German language but this is the actual Lower Saxony for the living and to some this is an idyllic Germanic vision the same way that certain English villages are called “quaint, idyllic and perfect” even though they are just a good moment in some English village or even city where the flowers in a window box are having a good month and the front steps were recently swept. It is like that.
Some aspects of my life stayed the same even though we moved. This was not all bad, but it emphasized to me certain limitations and challenges. My main gripes were the sense of separation from people with whom I was easily able to socialize. I was involved with at least 4 different formal in person groups when we moved. A much smaller gathering of people cared enough to give me a little going away party.
Now in year 4 here, it has not been like that. I have spent way more time online. I have learned a lot of German. I have had some relief and have managed to mingle with the Germans more than not at all, but nothing like what I was doing when we moved.
I wrote back then and I still do but work did not greatly improve due to moving to Germany and in some ways it got even worse but picking up a totally different day job became even harder in part due to the language barrier.
I hope that I have just changed a little bit to cope and have not gone round the bend as the English say, from having to lie to myself so much to make me happy. I try to allot just 5 minutes per day for self pity and have clearly not done enough to really change the social situation very much. I sang with a local choir for 3 months 2 years ago now, and I had a woman friend for a month recently – she and her daughter actually set foot in my home two or even three times is what I mean by that, and we chatted on the phone. Stuff like that.
It was cloudy today and I think I feel like it. We have long days now, it being May “already”. Every day here has tended to feel arduously long because I have not filled in the void designed for relating to my boyfriend or husband even though I have not had a serious romance for 8 years, but due to my attitude towards the long individual days and not being paid weekly, the months roll by quickly.