Late July 2013

Life has its ups and downs. We learn a lot in life, some of what we learn is good – some is not.

The general karmic tenor of individuals seems to also vary. There are people who seem to be happy all the time and often get there way. Many experience some joys and some hardships and sorrows. There are people who seem to get stuck with having a bad time most or even all of the time.

There are a lot of theories about why this happens. In some cases it seems like the universe is all too fair and other times it seems radically unfair. There are those who believe it is never anyone’s fault and others who always blame people for their own misfortunes but never for their successes in life. Some believe that every one of us actually really does get what we deserve.

However you feel about it, this is how it is today anyway.


Many of have ideas. Some are good ideas and others are not. There are some that can be implemented and others cannot.

Today is yet another day when I have been considering dressing up as a clown and going out to busk in the nearest mid sized city. I would like more money, so if I busk I can be hanging around and can wear funny make up and pump up some balloons. A weekend afternoon downtown.

My son is out of town with his father. I have 50% legal custody. He has had 2 homes since he was 9, and his parents have not always been equally single or romantically involved to the same degree at the same time. Because of that, they don’t have to watch if I go out there in clown make up and toting balloons.

I do feel like interacting, making some people smile and having fun, but it would be better for me to end up getting paid than to go out spending: most people at a workplace are in exactly that kind of situation…hanging around earning or hoping to earn without feeling embarrassed or being shooed away.

A lot of it is about the joy of clown make up and balloons and mingling with the general public.

Whether or not it ever happens could make a big difference or almost no difference. Apparently it is all about whether or not I will ‘dare to’. Not being wildly extroverted I would be glad to be hiding behind the clown make up sometimes, but I am into being the center of attention enough to like the idea of being out there attracting attention…No, I don’t have and won’t spend at this time on a full clown costume with sparkly giant shoes but I’m not against wearing satin green with white polka dots and glitter covered gigantic shoes with an insole that fits my feet.

Random Chat

Today, I do not have a well focused prepared couple of paragraphs, not even a theme like journalists use to conduct interviews.

I just looked up character likeability in fiction and read a blog post about another author’s novel’s main woman character.

It could be argued than anyone who elicits strong feelings, whether or good or bad or both will end up as someone who really stands out in other peoples’ minds.

I have written stories having characters intended to be very likeable and others meant to be disliked or found troublesome or scary.

Wee hoo, it is a sunny warm summer day in a Continental European country where they don’t seem to have learned ‘peanut and jelly sandwich’.

Thor and local rain

The air pressure has changed. I heard thunder – the sound of Thor’s hammer banging around while he fights with frost giants…That’s the Norse myth version of how thunder works. It happened while a Thor movie was playing.

Earlier, a FB writer friend who has a good day job forwarded news of the little promo tour a few people from the latest movie are making, and the fiction character Loki turned up at a comic convention in the USA just yesterday. I am looking forward to the next movie.

As some of you know, I am not entirely normal but am pretty much mostly normal I think…I mean I’m not sure, but I’m sure…I think so. One of the things this normalcy means is that I like all the Hollywood blockbuster movies just like everyone else.

In what may seem like a total disjunct, but isn’t if you really focus on the significance of creative work and marketing involved here…I hope within a few months to have an improved real book form of an urban novel for everyone over 18 years old…and hopefully within 12 months of today there will also be an SF novel from me ‘finally!’.

In the meantime you can try the nonfiction which includes the introductory philosophy booklet Five Big Questions in Life and you can try the mutual funds book that I ghostwrote one draft of as a writing contract which explains how I wrote so much of it but is by a man named Alan Northcott.

Dead German philosophers and their living ideas

One day, I watched an interview with the singer from the band Disturbed. He had studied some Nietzsche and had had an insight from it, that quite honestly I had not even noticed. For me, the big thing about Nietzsche, aside from good writing, is that he devised the übermensch as a sort of ‘stand alone spiritually enlightened figure’. Personally, I favor divine forces, but I like that he came up with this spiritual adept somehow free of religion – like religion is an outgrown method of gleaning spiritual truth. For me, that’s the wondrous contribution of Nietzsche. If not, then that tells you how I twisted his take on the truth, but when I studied him under a professor, the professor and I both seemed to think I was able to understand him quite well – we’re both left handed, lol, but true.

For those seeking only to be debriefed about philosophy in more general terms, you can get yourself or your beginner friends this preparatory booklet:

Writing and Publishing

Well, a few years ago I did a little research and learned that in the USA there are about 100,000 writing jobs. Half are salaried in house positions and the other half includes all the freelancing, the online writers, the academics who get published here and there and the majority of novelists working day jobs to pay the bills or living as married women who are well provided for.

I also heard that 20% of the books receive 80% of the money, that those books that do go big, make tons of money especially when there are real movie deals involved. Most novels sell fewer than 1000 copies and many books in both nonfiction and fiction don’t even earn more than what the publisher gave as an advance.

Well, that’s scary and humbling.

I did spend years training towards and seeking that secure day job and also spent time as supported lover – some of that as a legal wife, and other times not as a legal wife.

I won’t even talk about the last ten years beyond saying that I have managed to earn in 10 years an amount I had intended to earn annually for writing and that despite having been abandoned by a difficult husband I have continued to need financial help to even be able to do what I have.

At 45 years old, with the child nearly at the dawn of his adult life, I am hoping there is still hope…as 40 years is one Hell of a long time to live without hope and even though I am all middle aged and dealing with accepting the fact that this is now most likely the early second half of my life I have that long left….At least 20 of that is supposed to be normal working age years.

Of course, my intention had been to be a flourishing happy and successful woman, rather than yet another of the women reporting in as having had many failed attempts at career and having been forced into the position of having been abused rather than reaching middle age without having ever been abused as a grown woman.


There are lots of birds around where I live nowadays and they chirp like this was a musician’s colony for birds.

There are a few influential factors. They usually shut up in the dark. They usually keep quiet in the pouring rain.

Now, when I first moved here I also thought they only chirped when the weather was warm but I learned that around here that is not even close to the truth.

There are enough species that I eventually realized that I recognize the chirps of 5 or 6 species and that it isn’t always the same ones or combinations of chirpers.

It is true, that once sensitized, one can also really hear the sound of their wings flapping on the breeze and learn which weather is flying weather and what is not.

I felt good but also a little embarrassed when I realized that the local birds could teach me more than the airports: flights are cancelled due to: heavy rains, ice, wind directions and speed etc..