Stages of Life “Yadda yadda”   OK, that’s on of Black Sabbath’s tunes.  I think it is from before they had the children.  Thanks to my parents having some children, I literally got to have a life.  You probably noticed the same thing.

My mother taught me that one facet of parenting is that it is a form of generosity: when we become parents we are ‘giving forward’ in time….etc.  I think that is a healthy way of viewing it.

You probably remember before you have kids and the thought of becoming a parent was terrifying.  If that wasn’t you that you might have that nasty ‘I’m not the intended audience for that comment’ feeling.  Sorry, if that chaffes against who you really are.  Well, I have just one as I was on the wavelength of the tens of millions or even hundreds of millions of Chinese and other people around the world who thought: you know, I do want my family to continue but I want Earth to be a nice place for humans and other creatures to live 100 and 378 and 1000 years down the road and it might be wise to not have massive numbers of children despite the Christian teaching ‘be fruitful and multiply.’  OK, where I grew up did not have the same local population and agricultural resources problem but I had some education in ‘think global act local’ so my kid is like tens or hundreds of millions of only children – at least of mine.  Actually he has siblings but that is because of another woman and his father not because of me.  What I was getting at was how stages of life are so natural and yet like so much in life ‘It is diferent when it happens to me than it is when I just hear about it or see others go through it.’  I have had enough time to adjust to being a parent.  I would not have it any other way now but even though I was happy to become my son’s mother, that pre-maternal ego-self sobbed her guts out and felt all the grieving of loss: the end of that stage of my life happened all of a sudden when I was mature enough.  The circumstances were less than ideal and better than a complete nightmare.  Even though my son is now 17 years old I ….would say the truth is that there have been 5 to 125 days in each year during which I had at least one moment when I thought “I am hallucinating having a child; I am not really a mother” only to come to accept, “Uh no, I’m not imagining it – I really am a mother.”….There are times when it is a challenging role and almost too much like a theatre role: hmm how am I supposed to behave now?  A lot of it is natural but a fair amount of it is ‘created’ as it is when we are young and first start to learn how to make ourselves attractive and try to date or something.


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