Wasting One’s Life

Most of us have heard that life is precious and that we should not waste our lives or our time.  When we buy things, especially food we may worry about letting it go to waste.  Sadly, sometimes things do – fruit is most prone to spoiling and being lost with cheeses, and left overs coming in second.

For those who have matured to the point of having children – which usually happens when people are a bit older but I have heard at least two shocking true stories of children so young one would expect that a pregnancy would not be possible as well as assuming that the person was not engaging in any sexual activity….particularly women, we may hear the snickering of younger adults about how our lives have ended just from that alone.  In a way it is true: if there is one thing I most love about Wicca and Drudiry, it is the simple but profound teaching of the 3 stages of adult life: the Maiden, the Mother and the Crone for women: Man, Father, Old Man for men.  OK, when a phase of life ends it can really feel like at least a form of ego death if not even worse.  I know that I freaked out a lot, because even though I embraced motherhood; it had occurred unexpectedly and spontaneously and the death throes of my pre-maternal ‘identity’ were wild and thrashing.  In truth, the few times I have had surgeries I most often thrashed and fought when I first ‘came to’.  Perhaps that’s just how I handle transitions.

Really, it has been nearly 2 years since I moved to Germany.  I keep feeling like it has put my life ‘on hold’ somehow even though it is ‘a new adventure’.  I tend to think that I get that feeling because I have not mastered the local language and have not remarried again yet.  If I marry again, by law, it will be my 4th legal marriage.  You know the saying, “If at first you don’t succeed, try try again.”  Young children and sometimes adults have also learned that if at first you don’t succeed throw a raging temper tantrum out of frustration and then take however long is necessary to calm down and once more relaxed consider whether or not to try again.

 

I don’t want to waste my life but feel that even after nearly 2 years…more than absolutely nothing has happened in my life here, but most of it has been ‘inner world’ ‘mind’ stuff and nothing has replaced much of what was lost in my late 30s.

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